 |
| I...didn't need that anyway |
I've heard parents say that privacy is a pipe-dream when you have kids - I never thought I'd be able to
relate to that as a pet-parent. Both my blue cream kitties have to be with me wherever I go; on my lap during client calls, doing figure-eights around my heels when I'm struggling up the stairs, and always, ALWAYS pestering me in the most private of places - the restroom.
Nowhere is this incessant companionship more striking than when I am attempting to shower. Where once I saw the shower as a place of quiet relaxation, now it is filled with the insistent howls of my girls. These aren't the sweet mewlings of a kitten curious about what mommy is doing - oh no! These are the deep, pleading, terrified howls of an animal in crisis. To them, the shower is a death-trap bent on inflicting hot, steaming torture upon their unsuspecting mommy. Therefore, they either try to save me from this horrific fate or howl at their helplessness between the shower curtains.
As amusing as the situation is for me, it offers an interesting lesson about perspective.
 |
| Excerpt from "Point of View" |
FALSE CONSENSUS EFFECT
Imagine you have been given 30 seconds to write down all the words you associate with the word "Thanksgiving." If we compared your list of words with someone else tasked with the same thing, how many words do you think would be duplicated on both lists?
All of them? Half of them?
How about none?
I've seen this activity administered countless times as a part of sessions covering a myriad of topics. No matter how many times it is replicated, more often than not each individual's list is 90-100% different than that of their peers. These results are consistent no matter the industry, corporate/team culture, or participant demographics because they are driven by individual perception.
We all perceive the world through a different lens, based on the experiences we have had, our understanding of the world, and the beliefs we hold. Despite this, studies show that we tend to assume - often inaccurately - that a vast majority of our peers share the same beliefs and paradigms as us. In social psychology, we call this phenomenon the "False Consensus Effect." We see that we share something in common with our peers - work on the same team, practice similar religion, are of a similar minority/majority group, attending same work session, wearing same color, etc - and then assume that we must share other commonalities.
The late Dr. Stephen R. Covey advised us that "If two people have the same opinion, one is unnecessary." I would argue that the same judgment can be made of two people who assume that they have the same opinion. How many crises could be averted if we didn't assume our perspectives were the only ones?
The only way to really know what is going through someone's head is through communication - and that means becoming comfortable with discomfort.
 |
| Anyone watch The Odd Couple anymore? |
GETTING COMFORTABLE WITH DISCOMFORT
History has shown us that innovation often comes out of discomfort. I cringe to think how we would all smell today if William Feetham, inventor of the first modern shower, hadn't been sick of breaking his back lugging pan after pan of hot, boiled water into a tub once a month only to his bath cold and filthy after his entire family bathed before him. Much to my cats' chagrin, Feetham was able to turn his discomfort into a solution that millions of people use every day.What could we accomplish together if we were to embrace our discomfort and have high-courage conversations with our peers about things that mattered? What if we listened to understand, not to reply? What if we were less concerned about being RIGHT than about understanding the perspectives of others?
Until I learn to speak cat or invest in a Catterbox collar, I will never truly understand why our cats hate the shower. For now, I am grateful for the insight their plight offers:
If we are to make any difference in our relationships, organizations, world - or showertime - it is imperative that we remove the blinders of assumption and take the advice from St. Francis and Dr. Covey - "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
--------
References:
1. Alicke, M. D., & Largo, E. (1995). The role of the self in the false consensus effect. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 31, 28-47.
2. Fabrigar, L. R., & Krosnick, J. A. (1995). Attitude importance and the false consensus effect. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 21, 468-479.
3. Ross, L., Greene, D., & House, P. (1977). The false consensus effect: An egocentric bias in social perception and attribution processes. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 13, 279-301.
4. False Consensus Effect retrieved from psychology.iresearchnet.com/
5. Covey, S.R., The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons In Personal Change, New York, New York, 1989
6. Belson, J., The Odd Couple (1973)
7. Mulrooney, T., The History of Showers retrieved from http://www.plumbworld.co.uk
